RAISING THE TITANIC- IN CHINA

The first keel plates for a full size, more or less exact replica of the hapless RMS Titanic have just been laid down in a Chinese resrot. No, this is not a joke; you read that correctly. The Chinese are, indeed, going to recreate the Titanic and, as of October 2017 you, too, will be able to go on board.

Naturally, it will all be done in supremely good taste; live entertainment on board the replica- can we call her the Chi-tanic?- will include Las Vegas revues and extravagant pool parties, apparently. It will all stay faithful to the elegance, style and memory of the ship that was nicknamed the 'Floating Ritz' before she set sail on her first and only voyage.

Which is where it gets kind of quirky.

Back in 1912, when the Titanic made her debut, Las Vegas was simply a fly infested morass of boiling sand in the Nevada desert, No change there then, some might argue. But I digress.

Pool parties, staged on an exact replica....Er, there might be a problem with that. You see, the only pool on the original Titanic was a small, inside affair, way down deep in the bowels of the ship. And it was used strictly as a plunge bath for the first class passengers, not as a backdrop for rows of Can Can dancers wearing rictus grins. And the idea of gyrating conga lines swaying through the innards of his ship-resplendent in period costume, no doubt- would have given J. Bruce Ismay himself a coronary. The essence and ambiance of the Titanic- the real one- was the complete opposite of this theme park slowly rising from the ground in China.

Will there be enough lifeboats? Hell, no. But don't worry. This Titanic really is unsinkable. No laughing at the back, please. I jest not. Because, you see, this Titanic is going to be built- and kept-permantly on dry land, apparently. Considering the track record of the 1912 original, this seems a perfectly sensible decision to me.

Much arm flailing and wailing ensues, saying that the whole venture is a tasteless, tacky exercise in profiteering. True enough, too. But consider this. When the actual Titanic emerged in 1912, there were those who considered her to be tasteless, tacky, and way over the top, too. And, after all, what else was she actually built for, if not to make profits?

Of course, the difference lies in the ghastly, all too real events of April 14th, 1912. On the 'new' Titanic, you will be able to live through a 'virtual re-enactment' of the disaster itself as it actually happened. Tasteful?

I'm guessing that there will be no helpless mass of people thrashing desperately about for their lives in sub zero water temperatures, mind you. Because, of course, that would not be tasteful now, would it?